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10 Signs That May Suggest You're A Commitment-Phobe

Lifestyle November 7, 2017 By Hugo

Monogamous relationships are never easy, and those who tell you otherwise aren't being truthful. They take dedication and heaps of sacrifice, and they can prove harder for those who struggle to let others into their lives.

Shutterstock/ Fred Ho

But many people have this problem, and it can prove mentally exhausting and make you wonder why you're constantly upsetting others. 

But as we've said, many people experience this, and you might be no exception. So with that in mind, here are 10 signs which may suggest you're a commitment-phobe.

1. Unpleasant moments from past relationships still haunt you

When we get flashbacks of previous relationships, it often reminds us of what we had. For some, that could mean refusing to let go of the wonderful years spent together. For others, it could bring back spine-chilling memories from the stress and pain you went through.

If that's the case, then you're likely to have your guard up to any future relationship until you finally embrace that person as someone new, and not just someone else. 

2. You're scared of the lost time they are taking from you

Everyone is busy nowadays. Instant communication, longer working hours, increased workloads. It's not easy, especially for younger generations, and when your free time is there for the taking, it's often a big deal to allow someone else to be a part of that.

And that's more than okay. It's your life, and you shouldn't live it through pleasing others. If you develop genuine feelings for somebody, however, don't be afraid to let them in.

3. You start comparing them to others from the past

People forget that the so-called, 'players' and 'lotharios' are likely to have had at least one serious relationship under their belt. And, as is often the case, many who shy away from relationships are those that have been hurt or have a tendency to compare the new person in their lives to that of their ex.

But it's a different experience, and if you enjoy spending time with them, it's worth seeing how far your feelings can go, regardless of what may or may not have happened to you in the past.

4. You're too focused on your goals/dreams 

Again, there is nothing wrong with this. It's admirable to be driven and dedicated to a goal, and if you're honest about this with the people you meet, then you can't be blamed for being a heartbreaker. But such desires and wants can also become obsessive, and cloud over what also matters in life.

Everyone, believe it or not, is looking for love, and though you may not feel that way inclined, you will at one stage. And if you think you might be able to love this person, then don't shut them out just because you think they'll get in the way of your idea of a perfect future. After all, love is the greatest distraction of all. 

5. You pull away from them the moment it gets too close

Intimacy is a big part of any relationship, and it can often lead to situations where one another feels closer than ever. But for the commitment-phobe, it's the other way around. Even just the mention of how nice it is to be around you can leave you plotting an escape route.

And if that's the case, then, for now at least, you're probably someone who wants to be alone.

6. You like to be in control

It goes without saying that the number one trait every commitment-phobe has is an ability to organize things and not be led by someone else.

If there's a suggestion of going to see a movie in town or the chance to catch a quick bite to eat after work and you've already planned something else, then you probably won't compromise.

7. You have no qualms texting/seeing more than one person

In the world of modern-day dating, the internet and dating apps have revolutionized how we see people. It's opened up our choices and given us temptations that other generations could only have dreamed of.

So why limit yourself to one person- no matter how well you get along with them- when you can open a dating app and choose from a hundred others? It's a problem/luxury many now have, and unfortunately, it's made a loving courtship harder to attain.

8. You take pride in your appearance

Vanity and narcissism play a significant role in a player's life. It's no surprise, for instance, that many are beautiful, and having the confidence and charisma to boot is a bonus. But how long can you bask in such lustful adulation?

It may feel great knowing you can go out or swipe right and see anyone you want, but there will come a time where it will mean nothing but another sleepless night where you lament your existence and cry into empty, cold confines of your rock-hard pillow.

9. You wince when someone puts a label on your fling 

No one likes being labeled, and love-dodgers are no exception.

So when it get's to the stage when your friends are brandishing that person as your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" you probably panic and promise to call it off straight away.

10. Family and friends are off-limits 

One of the best things about being in a relationship is the shared experiences and being drawn into their inner circle of friends and family is one such example. Well, that's if you want to know them.

If not, then you're probably never going to want to see them again.

Remember, life can be unforgiving, and we often imagine the grass being greener when in reality it's not. Instead, assess where you are in life, breath deeply and question whether love is closer than you first imagined. You may just be pleasantly surprised.


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