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Here's Why You Never Get A Second Date

Top Tips January 16, 2018 By Hugo

Thanks to apps like Tinder, meeting potential partners has never been easier, and with the number of options on offer, you can filter your way through your entire search radius until you find someone that you believe is God's gift to online dating.

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Though after finally securing a date with this seemingly perfect person, you've probably been baffled to discover on more than one occasion that they want nothing more to do with you after the date has finished because the spark just wasn't there. It's a cruel world, but you only get one shot in this game so to help you on your quest, we've come up with 10 plausible theories as to why your first dates aren't leading to anything more.

1. You are too loud

There are many reasons why people's dating advice often involves the words, 'take it easy', the main one being you don't want to come across as a raving loon. Not that there's anything wrong with being excitable. People love extroverts, and if you are one yourself then great!

However, there's a time and a place for outlandish jokes and extravagant compliments before it leads to verbal diarrhoea. The person sitting opposite you doesn't really know you, and if you overwhelm them with your personality, they'll probably feel unable to connect with you. 

2. You speak too much

Following on from our first point, being too loud on first dates can often equate to speaking gibberish. It's important to be composed and relaxed, and if you aren't letting the person speak they're going to find you annoying.

Everyone likes a bit of mystery, so think carefully what it is you want to say and make sure you do more listening than talking. That way, you're demonstrating that you're thoughtful and courteous rather than a ball of nerves who keeps waffling on.

3. You don't speak enough

On the other hand, you might be overwhelmed with the sheer beauty of your date that you don't say anything at all! It happens to the best of us, but more often than not, once you start going on a few dates, you begin to get the hang of it, and no matter how nervous you feel, the conversations begin to flow.

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However, if you're still at a loss for words after countless dates, practice conversation starters with a friend or read this article on first date conversation starters our team wrote last year by clicking here. 

4. You didn't make an effort with your appearance

It's never a good idea to go on a date straight after work. In an ideal scenario, you want to give yourself time to prepare.

If you arrive straight in your work clothes, with unkempt hair, smelly armpits, and shoes that are pointy and black like the ones you were forced to wear in school, your date's first impression of you won't be that strong. Worst of all, you might not look like your pretty profile picture if you haven't made an effort, which is a big annoyance for anyone on a first date. 

5. You spoke about your ex

Arguably the biggest no-no of all, talking about your ex to someone you've only just met will likely lead to them concluding that you aren't ready to move on.

Sure, you may have decided on a date, but if you find yourself unconsciously thinking about your ex and bringing them up in conversations, you should take a break from the dating world until you're entirely ready to commit to someone else.

6. You don't seem interested 

While you might give off an air of nonchalance and even think that's cool, if you take this too far, your date will presume you're not interested. So many times, we are told to play it cool in the dating world, which is entirely reasonable, but others take this too far and decide to adopt an approach befitting of a too-cool-for-school teenager.

Shutterstock/John T Takai

In contrast, you might have been distracted by your BBF's texts or just had more pressing matters on your mind. Still, if you can't engage with the person you've invested your free time in, there's little point you being there, and it's unlikely such disengagement will impress them. 

7. Your date didn't feel the chemistry that you did

It's not all down to you. Sometimes, your date just didn't feel the spark, despite agreeing to meet you. Indeed, as well as finding you physically attractive, he/she might have even got on with you and had a good time, but if there aren't butterflies, it's doubtful they're going to agree to a second date.

Either that or they're still not over their ex. After all, apps like Tinder are awash with heartbroken souls. 

8. You drank too much 

No one likes someone who drinks too much, least of all on a first date. Not only is it disrespectful, but it also demonstrates that you rely on alcohol for nerves and to keep a conversation together.

We get it: dates are nerve-wracking experiences, but that shouldn't excuse drunken behavior. Even if you are a sweet drunk, the fact that you've gone out of your way to get drunk will indicate that you're not the type of person to be taken seriously.

9. You were too keen

For some of us, wearing our hearts on our sleeves is all we know, and we want nothing more than to let our date know what we honestly think about them. Sadly, this way of showing affection (while well-intentioned) isn't often the best way to a person's heart (at least, not to begin with). 

Shutterstock/ shurkin_son

For starters, it reeks of desperation and shows that you're eager to turn things up a notch. Secondly, too many compliments or visible interest can be intense and overwhelming for the person sitting opposite. Remember, cool, calm and collected is much more attractive than wishy-washy compliments and an overeagerness to impress.

10. You told them your life story

Becoming an open book on your first date is usually caused by having one-too-many drinks. Well, either that or the person you're dating is a private investigator. Anyway, it's essential to retain an air of mystery and not give away too much about yourself.

Instead, only reveal answers to the all-too-important questions, like: Are you a cat or dog person? And is Taylor Swift actually any good? 


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