Intelligence isn't something that can be attained in one sitting. It takes years of parental nurturing and a perpetual thirst for knowledge that sets an intelligent person apart from Kardashian obsessed philistines.
But even if you fall into the latter category, fear not, because you, too, can still be intelligent- even if you couldn't care less about Plato's cave allegory or the ongoing crisis in Syria.
In fact, by following 10 simple steps, you can deceive people into thinking your IQ level is off the charts!
1. The right words are key
A strong vernacular is critical if one is to be accepted and taken seriously in certain circles, so it's imperative those accustomed to idiomatic language brush up on their vocabulary.
An excellent way to do this is by reading more. When you see a word you don't know the meaning off, Google its definition. But in the interests of time, we recommend you get acquainted with these 5 words: epitome, finagle, gregarious, panacea and perfunctory. According to researchers working for the American Heritage Dictionaries, using them regularly makes you appear more intelligent.
2. Never rush your words
Now you've become acquainted with the only five words you'll ever need; it's important you project them with authority and calmness to preserve your surreptitious practices. For instance, a person with mumbled speech, no matter the range of their words, will come across as confused and trying too hard.
However, according to Michael Ronayne, Director of the College of Public Speaking. "A clear well-paced voice in a normal tone is often a sign of confidence."
3. Wear glasses
It sounds highly cliched, and an incredibly short-sighted (hehe), but wearing glasses gives off an academic vibe. In fact, this theory was even backed by one study conducted at the University of Melbourne's Centre for Eye Research.
In sum, the research concluded that there was a correlation between intelligence and short-sightedness which is all the evidence we need.
4. Entertain different viewpoints
Nobody likes a person who displays dogmatic tendencies the moment a debate arises, so it's best to reign in those opinions and learn to listen more to others and be open to accepting that they might be right.
This viewpoint is echoed by Dr. Keith Frankish of The Open University who believes a broader mind is the key to one's intellectual development. "Don't just read and listen to people you agree with," Frankish says, "read varied subject matter and select books you wouldn't normally choose."
5. Never curse
Not only is swearing crass but it's also synonymous with ignorant brutes who have trouble verbally expressing their sentiments so make sure you conceal that potty mouth when around poshos and people you need to impress.
Psychologist Roberta Galluccio Richardson even believes individuals who exhibit bad language come across as having a "lower importance" to those who don't.
6. Maintain a firm posture
Poor back posture is often a sign of low confidence and suggests you didn't go to a private school which teaches you to think you are better than others, so it's imperative you begin to improve your superiority complex by first working on your posture.
Simply stand up straight. It's not rocket science, and in the words of Life Coach Rebekah Fensome, people will think of you as "lazy, shy or stupid," if your back and shoulders are always hunched.
7. Purchase purple clothes
Don't laugh. According to Colour Therapy Specialist Julianne Bien, wearing purple can help advance people's opinions of your intellect. In other words: you could end up talking about Kim's weight gain yet come across as a versatile individual whose views extend beyond a morbid fascination with Kim's bum.
In the words of the man himself, Bien says, "Purple is a color that suggests intelligence. Mix it with gray, a power color for men, to exude confidence and a deep inner intelligence."
8. Say you're smart
It sounds awkward and certainly more cringeworthy than anything Justin Bieber released circa 2015, but by telling everyone you're smart, you'll eventually break down even the brightest of brains until they see you in no light but that of the self-professed genius you say you are.
Really. We're not joking. It's that simple and in the words of esteemed psychologist Rose Aghdami, "If you keep telling people you're intelligent, they'll start to subconsciously think of you that way. It's called the self-fulfilling prophecy."
9. Dye your hair gray
If you've never encountered a wise man on the crest of a hill, then you should visit one someday and learn from them. In the meantime, why not replicate their wisdom and dye your hair gray to give off the appearance of someone with many years experience in all realms of life?
So what are you waiting for? Ditch those hair dyes and embrace those natural grays. Or, if you're young, dye it gray. It will be all the rage before you know it.
10. Install a book shelve
Last but not least, introducing a book shelve to one's home is a must for those seeking acceptance from literary aficionados and anyone who pretends to read Toni Morrison's cautionary tales of victimhood and oppression when in reality they only heard of her because Lena Dunham mentioned her in an episode of HBO's much-loved series, Girls.
The best way of going about this is to install the shelve at a level your guests won't be able to reach. That way, on the rare occasion you encounter an actual reader, they can't analyze the titles and quiz you on the plot.